


Follow You

by Miss_Riss



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellarke, F/M, Fluff, Multi, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 11:11:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2386223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Riss/pseuds/Miss_Riss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The 100 escape the campground and make their way to the Atlantic Ocean before the grounders arrive. As living on earth seems to get easier day by day, the group have more time to worry about the "simpler" things in life...like relationships... or at least thats what his sister says... Bellamy on the other hand would prefer going head to head with a 200 pound grounder.</p>
<p>Bellarke</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beach

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Found this lovely site a while back, but was too scared to post! Anywhooo, this is a story that I am writing for fanfiction.net & thought I would share it on here as well. The first chapter is slow, but I promise it picks up. Let me know if you like it please :) Comments and kudos greatly appreciated!

It was a long, _gruesome_ trek to the Atlantic Ocean.

Each of us had our fair share of complaints along the way, but somehow we stayed strong and made it.

The clearing of the beach was visible, and as we steadily approached it- some of us yelled in excitement, some of us cried… Some were stunned into silence, utterly amazed at the beauty that lay before us. The latter was my reaction… It was like ...for a moment I forgot that I needed to breathe in order to sustain life.Nothing that I had read in the textbooks, seen in the pictures or experienced in the days that I’ve lived on this wondrous earth could ever prepare me for the sight before me.

The _ocean_ … It stretched before us with a certain magnitude that, prior to this I couldn’t picture, even in my dreams.

“Amazing, isn’t it?” Finn said softly, coming up from behind. He and Miller carried a sleeping Raven on our make shift stretcher.

I was startled to say the least as his voice snapped me out of my revere. I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding and gave the Boy who I sometimes ached to touch a soft smile. “Its beautiful.”

He returned my smile, and continued to head toward the clearing. Finn only switched out with someone once to take a break from carrying the stretcher. Once in our long journey, had he put Ravens life in someone else’s hands…something about the fact made my stomach turn for a quick second before I removed all thoughts of Finn from my mind and let my eyes wander to the clearing again.

I stood in my place, watching my people gather up their energy and start running excitedly to the sand before the water. I wanted to run too, feel free and triumphant, but my feet just wouldn’t move. My eyes continued to dart around me, finding the people that I now held close to my heart. Jasper, Monty and Octavia held hands while running full force to the sand. Finn looked back at me, a glint of excitement in his eyes as he continued to carry Raven to their destination.

But I just wasn’t satisfied. Someone was missing from the lot.

As if on cue... if telepathy was _possible_ … a hand fell softly on my shoulder.

Without having to spare a single glance, I knew who it was, because I was becoming all too familiar with the soft touches of his steady hand. “Blake,” I said softly, my eyes never leaving the ocean.

He didn’t speak at first, but he did move to stand beside me and let out a breath.

We stood there together in a comfortable silence for a few moments, co-leaders captivated by the beauty before us and by the happiness that it filled our people with. “We made it,” it was Bellamy who broke the silence.

His voice sounded almost disbelieving, and I finally let my eyes look up into his. “We did,” I confirmed, giving him a smile… one in which the normally stoic, arrogant Bellamy Blake returned without hesitation.

“Bell, get your ass over here and come feel this water!” Octavia called out to him, knee deep in the water, splashing even though it must be freezing at this time of year.

A huge smile broke out on Bellamy’s face…one of those rare smiles that only his sister seemed to produce.

“Bell!” Octavia’s voice was feigning annoyance while she thrashed around with the rest of the 100 that decided the water was more interesting than the beautiful sand.

He left my side without another word, jogging to reach his sister. I felt a pang in my chest at the realization that I was alone. I felt myself wishing that I could loosen up like the lot of them… actually live in the moment. To my complete surprise Bellamy turned around, a smirk on his face. “Come on Princess!”

A slow burn began to creep up my cheeks, for a reason I could not explain- I was blushing.

_Live_ Clarke...

I responded by taking my shoes off and tried to fight off a smile. Taking a deep breath I started to walk toward the water, but not before relishing in the feel of the sand beneath my bare feet. The feeling of it was indescribable. A mixture of warmth and cold, soft and solid… I’m pretty sure the term “heaven on earth” meant exactly **this**. I was snapped out of my thoughts as warm water collided with my face.

“Get in Clarke!” Octavia squealed. I gasped, expecting to be hit with ice-cold water, but warmth greeted me. Radiation drastically changed earth, that was one thing we could be sure of…but I didn’t hesitate to jump in with my fellow people and soak in the warm salt water.

It would be nearly impossible for me to explain what the ocean water felt like at that time to someone up on the Ark…someone who never got to feel the wind on their face, the grass beneath their feet or the sun shinning down upon them. The ocean felt electrifying and if there were only one word I was allowed to use to describe the feeling that washed over me with each passing moment it would have to be _Free_.

Free from the ark and its cold walls with its shackles, free from hiding within camp ground walls that we built with our own hands, free from our lives being threatened by grounders, who would rather be hostile than seek out different solutions on how to maintain together on this massive earth. _Free_ …at least for the moment. We stayed that way, laughing, splashing and swimming for hours.

_________

It was almost nightfall and I crept away from the enthusiastic crowd that I now considered my family. I sat under a tree that was within screaming distance, but out of sight and began studying the map that Lincoln gave us.

“You know its dangerous being on earth all alone,” the familiar voice of Bellamy whispered from behind me, damn near giving me a heart attack at my young age.

I swatted at his leg swiftly, grimacing at him with a tight lip. “Don’t you ever sneak up on me again,” My voice was more hostile than I intended for it to be.

His eyes widened for a second at my tone, before he did that irritating squinty thing he does with his eyes and let a smirk dance on his face. I had the urge to smack him then.

“Got it?”

He threw his hands up, chuckling. “Got it, Princess.”

I rolled my eyes and averted my attention back down to the map.

Bellamy sat down beside me, a serious look now on his face. “Are we close?”

“According to this we are on literally in the area of where Luna’s camp gathers before heading out for winter,” a frown uncontrollably formed on my lips as I knitted my eyebrows together.

“So, what’s the problem?” Bellamy moved closer to me, forcing me to look up into his eyes, which were full of concern.

Maybe he was starting to know me a little _too_ well…

I let a sigh escape my lips before letting him know what was on my mind. “Don’t you think it’s just a little too quiet?”

He looked around for a minute, his frown now mirroring mine and scratched the back of his neck. Bellamy didn’t like to play the guessing game. “So you’re saying you think they already left?” He couldn’t hide the agitation in his tone.

I gave a soft nod after a couple of seconds, and let my eyes meet his deep browns. “Please, please don’t say ‘I told you we should have stayed’ …just please because I already feel horrible enough. And I know you’re probably pissed right now, but I still think we made the right decision for our people.”

His frowned deepened, and he looked away, jaw clenched but silently agreeing to let it go. We both sat in there in silence for a few minutes, letting the realization of our situation dawn on us.

“When do we tell them?” I managed to croak out, letting my eyes drop to my hands.

Bellamy did something unexpected then… he placed his large hand over my small one, causing warmth to course through my body. “In the morning we will search the outskirts of the area and make sure that they are really gone, and then we will tell them,” his voice was warm, almost like he was trying to comfort the both of us, “together.”

I looked up into his eyes then, his emphasis on the word _together_ gave me chills. It was strange how much we grew as people, both individually and together as leaders…and lately as what someone might consider _friends_. There was an understanding between us, something unbreakable, but completely unintentional to the people that we once were in the first couple weeks that we inhabited this earth. We needed to do this together if we had any chance of survival on earth and I think as we realized that we grew compassionate toward each other. It was not easy leading people and making decisions that could put the lives of others in danger, but somehow it was easier when we made those decisions **together**.

“If it is the case then we will get through it,” he said and squeezed my hand reassuringly, but never let his eyes leave mine.

I couldn’t bring my self to speak but I offered him a soft nod and closed my eyes. When I opened them again he was still staring at me, and as if he were caught doing something wrong he looked away and awkwardly removed his hand from mine. I felt his warmth leave me and couldn’t help but feel deprived. “We should go back to the group, set up a perimeter and a sleep schedule before it gets too dark.” He stood up and began wiping sand off of his pants.

I just wanted to fall asleep where I was seated… just rest. My body was so tired from the long trek and then the ocean water…and my mind was full blown exhausted. I felt like I failed our people somehow, even though in my heart I knew it was still the right decision…anything was better than being slaughtered in war, but I just wanted to sleep through the consequences. I could just close my eyes and drift asleep right here, but of course Bellamy had other plans for me.

As if he sensed the energy and the fight leaving me, he grabbed my arm, almost yanking me to my feet and began to walk away. As mad as I wanted to be, as much as I wanted to detest his physical, yet silent command, I followed after him just like he has always followed after me …

 


	2. Village Superhero

3 weeks later

"Clarke," Octavia's voice startled the blonde a bit, but without moving or looking up she continued to stitch up Jaspers wounded leg.

"Mm?" she managed.

If rolling eyes made a sound then Octavia's eye rolling would be thunderous…she also sucked her teeth for added effect. "When are you going to eat? We are all worried about you Clarke," she shifted her body weight and Clarke looked up into her concerned eyes. "Everyone, including you, seems to believe you are the village super hero or something, but Clarke…even super hero's need to eat."

Clarke snorted, but couldn't fight back a smile. "I am no super hero," she sighed, letting her eyes close for a second. "I'm just trying to help keep everyone on their feet before winter hits, you know?"

The brunette gave a soft nod, crossing her arms to her chest. "I know, but there are other healers in this village Clarke, and we need you to be on your feet… you know?"

"Who sent you?" Clarke groaned, placing the last stitch on Jaspers leg just a little too tightly.

"Ouch, you know, I am a living, breathing human over here," Jasper winced, "and as much as I love to hear you girls chat about non sense I think my leg takes priority!"

"Oh, shut up Jasper," both girls said in unison.

He threw his hands up in the air, mock defensively and chuckled.

"You actually think that little scrape of yours takes priority over Clarke's sudden anorexia?" Octavia rolled her eyes, sticking her tongue out at Jasper (an action Clarke considered pretty flirtatious).

"This little scrape of mine hurts like hell," Jasper scoffed, crossing his arms to his chest and smiling sheepishly at Octavia.

"And I am not anorexic," The blonde grumbled, mirroring the man's action.

Octavia just laughed before waving them off and leaving Clarke's designated medical area. .

"You know it was Bellamy, right?" Jasper offered, interrupting the comfortable silence that fell upon them once Octavia left.

She looked up, not surprised by the fact, but surprised that Jasper felt the need to mention it. "Hm?"

"He's worried about you Clarke," Jasper shifted, running a hand through his hair, "says you only eat just enough to stay alive and you've been running on a few hours of sleep a night since we got here. He also thinks you're avoiding him, and frankly, I don't think he's really good at these kind of conversations, but he wants to make sure you aren't depressed…" he trailed off at that last bit.

Clarke scoffed, "depressed over what? I am in no way, shape or form depressed. I don't want to eat more than what I need because there are so many people in this village, and we need to keep a high stock for winter. I haven't slept much because every five seconds, it seems someone from our camp is wounded or sick, and I don't want any of Luna's healers to have to take care of our people. They didn't ask for new roommates, and I'm sure as hell not trying to make this any more difficult for them than it already is." She couldn't help but feel a little offended that people…especially Bellamy... were throwing around the word depressed to describe the way she had been acting lately. "And besides, neither my eating nor my sleeping habits are any of Bellamy Blake's concern," she added sternly.

"Yeah," Jasper looked at her long and hard, a smirk starting to form on his lips, "I'm sure those are your only reasons for locking yourself up in this med room and avoiding Bellamy, but I'll be sure to tell him to mind his business… actually, I'll be sure to tell him YOU said to mind his business," he chuckled, "I don't need to feel his wrath today."

"I am not avoiding Bellamy," she sighed, but couldn't force her voice to sound convincing.

Jasper stared at her.

"I'm simply just not in the mood to hear his complaining, and I'm certainly not in the mood to bicker with him about whether or not the grounders we have been with for weeks are trustworthy," she hoped she sounded convincing enough this time.

"um hm," was all jasper said, a stupid smirk taunting Clarke.

She felt her cheeks flush as he stared at her with accusing eyes, but relief swept over her as he cleared his throat and stood up.

Wincing slightly at the movement, he said, "Monty's cooking up some moonshine and Luna and Rex are telling stories by the camp fire tonight. You should take a little break from the nothingness that is preoccupying you in here and come join us."

Clarke shook her head, offering him a smile. "I have some medical stuff to do."

"You know Clarkey," she smiled at his nickname for her, "for your own sake, I think it would be best if you came for a while." He scratched his head awkwardly, "people are starting to talk."

She looked into his eyes then, worried by this and silently pleaded for him to continue.

"I've heard a few rumors going around that you don't want to be here. Rumors that you aren't being a very grateful leader of our people for the shelter and alliance Luna's camp is providing. Bellamy has had to make some friends, even though its clear to all of us that he completely hates it…some our camp feels he's picking up your slack…but don't worry, me and Monty have been trying to squash the rumors."

That last bit stung a little, Clarke didn't want her camp to think she was becoming incompitant to co-lead, but what hurt more was that Bellamy felt he had to pick up her slack. She gave Jasper a weary look, but didn't speak.

"Some other really crazy rumors too, and if you keep this little anti-social act going I'm sure it will get a lot worse," he finished, throwing an apologetic look her way. "Speaking from experience, when the camp starts talking about you, whether good or bad it really can make an impact".

She gave him a soft nod, her lips curving into a frown. "I didn't realize… I'll be there tonight, thanks jasper."

He smiled softly, throwing a "see ya Clarkey" over his shoulder before he wobbled out of the door semi dramatically.

With that she was left with her thoughts, her face still burning with an embarrassed fluster.

….

**Bellamy**

Three weeks. I can't believe it has been three whole weeks since we made it to the Atlantic Ocean. Fortunately for us, the obsessed Grounder tracked us down and led us to where Luna's camp was resting before the weeks journey to their winter village. It took us more than a week to travel on foot to a site that hid two large Fema shelters. I stood back idly at the time as Clarke brokered deals with these new grounders…against my wishes of course. But I had to put my trust in Clarke to do what was right for our people. I watched as my sister cuddled up with Lincoln, also against my wishes. I have never seen her this happy.

My people are happy in general. I watch as they dance around fires with these strangers, as they laugh and sleep beside these people who can turn their backs on us at any given time. I'm trying to be happy… really, I am. These grounders seem to be completely different than the ones who we were at war with, and the Fema shelters are clean, spacious and warm. Three whole weeks without a single person from camp dying, without someone having a psychotic break like Murphy had… we don't have to walk around with guns slung over our shoulders, or constantly be on guard to protect the wall…three weeks of peace.

But something in my gut nudges at me as the days of peace go on.

I keep waiting for something terrible yet expected to happen and when the instance never comes I still can't relax. Instead I wait anxiously for this earth to fuck us royally.

The worst part is feeling so alone in my thoughts. Not being able to share them with the one person who would listen no matter how crazy I sounded. A certain feisty blonde with a heart that is sometimes a little too big for this cold world.

Clarke has been completely avoiding me, but I can't get her to admit it if I strapped her to a chair and lit a fire under her ass.

It was painstakingly annoying to say the least.

But for some reason I feel… guilty. For what?! I have no clue, but as the days creep by and the avoidance grows thicker, and her eating and sleeping slowly diminish…I can't help but worry.

There's something that's bothering her and if I have to force it out of her I will. I struggle with myself everyday…the way Clarke bothers me, the way I worry for her…it gets under my skin so deep. But regardless of my pride and for whatever reasons that I actually give a damn about the annoying blonde, I need to fix it…fix her…and quickly, because I don't know how much longer I can do this alone.

"Bellamy," Miller comes up from behind me, clearing his throat and snapping me from my thoughts.

"What is it?" My throats dry, and it's obvious in my voice.

"I just thought you should know that Clarke's coming out of hibernation tonight for Luna's camp fire stories," Millers voice was weary… I must not be an easy person to talk to.

"Jasper?"

"Yup. And he passed along the message that she said…" Miller scratched his head nervously, "to tell you to mind your business. Jasper told me to emphasize that SHE said it."

A smirk starts to form on my lips. I can't deny the news that she passed along made me miss the banter that defined the friendship we shared… if one would call it a friendship. I am also very pleased with Jasper…the boy has seriously grown on me. I catch myself thinking that I would rather my sister be with him…if anyone at all. But I shake off the thought as quickly as it comes because, to me, my sister is more suited to be one of those nuns in the Ark history books…the ones who never have relationships. Unfortunately for me Octavia has other plans and I have to suffer watching her throw disgusting love struck glances and romantic innuendos everyday at Lincoln. I roll my eyes at the thought.

"Thanks Miller," I say finally after realizing he is waiting for a response.

" No problem Bellamy," he smiles and begins to walk away.

I sigh. My life is no more important than the next man, and I've been completely engulfed in it. "Miller, what's up with you and Luna?"

He shifts, scratching the back of his neck. I can't remember seeing Miller this nervous, not even at times when he had some bad news to share with me. "Nothing man, she's just a cool person... err grounder… we just hang out."

Miller looked surprised when I broke into a smile. "She is pretty cute and definitely a bad ass," I offer, patting the man on his shoulder as if I were giving him my blessing.

He returned my smile, a grateful look in his eyes and we both laughed and joked for a while.

….

**Clarke** -

I sigh, finish off my fishtail braid and throw on my boots. I definitely don't feel like being social tonight, but I have no choice. There is no way in hell my actions will be the cause of Luna's camp turning against us.

At least 40 people, a mixture of the grounders and sky people, were huddled around a huge campfire in the middle of the two shelters. People were laid out on the grass, some brought blankets with them and others sat close to the fire. Another 20 people were standing around, happily talking to each other and some were even dancing. Luna found me with her large brown eyes, and though I could tell she was surprised to see me she smiled and bowed her head. I returned her gesture respectfully and then searched for my friends.

Some people from my camp embraced me in hugs… others held their hands out to me as I walked by. I could feel my cheeks heating up in flustered way at their reactions. To say the warmth that they showed me surprised me was an understatement.

"Hey Clarke, I'm glad you're here," Monty embraced me in a warm hug.

"Clarkey, you came…because of me," Jasper announced proudly. "I always knew I had a way with words. Some people like to call it the gift of gab."

"Shut up," I laugh and playfully hit him on the shoulder.

He mocks hurt but laughs as well.

"Clarke?"

My smile fades quickly as I recognize the voice of the person who stands behind me. Gathering up all the façade I can muster I turn and smile. "Hey Finn."

"It's good to see you out of that medical room," he shifts uneasily, but his smile holds.

Mine doesn't. "Yeah, needed some fresh air and socialization." _Just not with you._

"Can we talk?" he asks, but shifts his gaze on Jasper and Monty, silently asking for some privacy.

Jasper looks from me to Finn and back to me again before sighing and walking off, leading Monty with him. I silently wish that I had asked them to stay. "What is it Finn?" I try hard to keep the irritation out of my tone.

"Let's take a little walk," he suggests and begins leading the way.

I oblige, but only because I rather the whole camp not overhear whatever Finn has got to say. When we get far enough from the group, Finn slips behind a tree and I hesitate before I follow. "What is it?"

"I can't do this anymore Clarke," he belts out.

"Cant do what?"

"Can't pretend that what happened between us didn't, and I cant hide my feelings for you," He grabs hold of my wrist, squeezing it lightly. "I love you."

My stomach turns. It's not the first time that he's told me, but this time his words hold no weight, no validity or importance in my life. I shake my head at him, removing my wrist from his hold. "You're selfish."

His eyebrows furrow. "How is that?"

"You've spent the last three weeks nursing Raven back to health, and I've seen the way you've been looking at her Finn," I swallow a lump that formed in my throat. "You're in love with her."

He doesn't speak for a moment, but racks his fingers through his hair. His eyes meet mine, pleading, "But I am in love with you too."

I shake my head, a chuckle escaping my parted lips. "You are so selfish. You think that you can have the both of us or that one of us will just wait around until you decide who you love more," My voice hitches. "Well I'm not waiting around and you cant have me."

He opens his mouth to protest, but I close my eyes and put my hand up to stop him. "Please Finn, just don't… Raven's finally coming around to forgiving you and I could tell she's trying to start fresh with you and I just want to forget it all happened. I want to forget about us."

He flinched at my words, and I could see the hurt in his eyes. "I choose you Clarke."

I laugh bitterly, "It's too late for all of that Finn. We had a small fling, a good little time on the ground while it lasted, and maybe there was a very deep connection there, but it's over now. It's been over. Please, let it go so we could move on from all of this."

"Clarke," the hurt in his eyes turned to anger, "is this about Bellamy? Are you seeing him?"

My heart skipped a beat, and my cheeks flushed a little. I balled my fists, anger rising inside of me. "Not that it's any of your business, but No. I'm just done with you…please just leave me alone Finn," the words left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I turned to walk away before he caught my arm and pulled me back. "Clarke."

"I believe she said to leave her alone," Bellamy growled as he emerged from the shadows of the woods.

Finn let go of my arm reluctantly, walking straight up to Bellamy. "And what's it to you?"

"Fallback spacewalker unless you want a broken face," Bellamy's facial expression was stone, fierce.

"Enough," I said, getting in between the guys and turning toward Finn. "Please leave."

He glared at Bellamy before his eyes met mine and they softened. "Sorry," he muttered and walked away.

I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath.

Bellamy softly placed a hand on my shoulder, "You okay Princess?"

"Don't touch me," my reaction was immediate…hostile.

"Whoa," he threw up his hands, a glimmer of confusion in his eyes, along with something else… hurt. "I was just trying to help."

I bit my lower lip, looking away. "I don't need your help Bellamy."

His jaw set, anger flashing in his eyes, "Finn was bothering you, and I heard him mention my name."

I couldn't deny any of the above. "Well now you're bothering me, and you shouldn't be spying on me."

He stepped back, his eyebrows furrowed. I struck a nerve inside of him. "Spying on you?" his voice dripped with sarcasm, "in your dreams Princess. I came over here to ask why you've been hiding away like some depressed little girl," he said his words with the intent on causing pain, and I winced in reaction, "and I just happened to hear you and your LOVER going at it. Excuse me for wanting to make sure you were okay. Next time I wont bother at all."

I gritted my teeth together. "You're one to talk about lovers when you were sleeping with Finn's girl while he was out there fighting for his life."

_While I was out there fighting for my life_ …

I didn't realize the thought left my mind until the words made their way out of my lips and Bellamy's eyes widened.

I closed my eyes, biting my bottom lip so hard that I could taste blood. There was no taking the words back now, but I didn't know what to do from here so I kept my eyes closed for a while.

The silence between us was deafening.

"Raven," was all he said.

Her name coming from his mouth made me cringe, but I gave a soft nod.

"Did you think that no one would find out about it?" I found the strength to question.

"I didn't think it would matter," his words were honest, but his voice betrayed a vulnerability that he tried to hide. "You and spacewalker were all love sick, and she came to me and I couldn't-"

"Just stop," I put up a hand and looked away, muttering, "it's none of my business anyway." 

He quirked an eyebrow, leaning in closer. "Is this why you've been avoiding me Clarke?" Bellamy was never one for guessing games, always straight to the point. "Are you upset that I slept with Raven?"

I felt a flush heating up my cheeks, but pressed my lips together and clenched my fists. "I don't care who you sleep with- woman, man, animal, the whole entire camp! But you make rash decisions and when Finn finds out about this, because he will somehow, he will want your head."

Bellamy chuckled at this, rolling his eyes and was about to speak when I interrupted him.

"I've had enough socializing for one night," I hissed and left Bellamy standing there, his eyes burning the back of my skull with his stare.

_What in the world did I just do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave feedback if you have time...it's like a pack of Oreos and a tall glass of vanilla almond milk! Hope you enjoyed :)


	3. Fuck!

**Bellamy**

xx 

I can’t sleep…

I am plagued with a racing mind… thoughts and memories of my argument with Clarke replaying over and over.

 I try to read, flipping through a half dozen books, but the words seem to blur. I toss and turn in my bed, willing myself to doze off. A few minutes of failure later and I get out of bed to start organizing my small table. When that passes all too quickly, I decide now is as good of time as any to dust my side of the room.

Miller groans loudly, mumbling something along the lines of ‘go the fuck to bed Bellamy’.

I smirk…he has some serious balls when he’s annoyed.

 The man stuffs his head into his pillow and turns to face the wall.

“Sorry to interrupt your beauty sleep Miller,” I mutter and throw on my boots, deciding a walk will do a world of good right now.

The halls of the fema shelter that house my camp are narrow and dark. The rooms are close together- with metal bunk beds in some and singles in others. There are 25 rooms in total, three or four people to each, depending on the layout. The exception was my room, which I shared with only Miller. It was located at the front of the shelter, and was large enough for five, but no one was brave enough to question why the room belonged to only Miller and I. There was also a large medical room at the back of the underground shelter.

Clarke’s space…

I plan to take a right, walk into the open air that awaits me outside, but my feet have other ideas and I turn left. The hall is so dark I could barely see my feet in front of me, and what feels like an eternity later I find myself dead smack in front of the medical area door.

I wonder briefly if lost my sanity before knocking lightly.

No answer…I hold my breath, and try again.

The door suddenly opens to see a wide-eyed Clarke, wearing nothing but a long t-shirt and panties. “Is everything okay?” her voice is full of concern, “is someone hurt?”

I shake my head, and let my eyes wander down her body and back up again. “I just wanted to talk.” There’s a lump forming in my throat.

I watch her cheeks flush as she realizes just how much skin she was bearing to my eyes. “Bellamy,” she hisses and half closes the door.

I could hear her rummaging through her things before she opens the door again…this time wearing jeans. “Sorry,” I mutter, but I’m really not. The image of her milky legs and shapely thighs will be forever embedded in my mind.

She crosses her arms to her chest, ”Jeez Bellamy it’s so late, why would you scare me like that? I thought something happened.”

I push my way through her door, brushing by her and make my way into her small bedroom on the right hand side of the medical area. It is clean, the bed still made and a candle lit.

With a thump, I plop down onto her bed.

“Please, make yourself at home,” she snorts in annoyance when she walks in to see me propped against her pillow.

It smells distinctively like lavender and vanilla, but I ignore that…or try.

“Why are you so angry with me?” straight to the point.

“Angry?” her voice is quiet, almost a whisper. “I am not angry with you Bellamy.”

“Clarke,” I warn, “don’t try to play me for a fool. You’ve been avoiding me for weeks now, and you practically took my head off tonight.”

She shakes her head, biting her bottom lip. “I am not angry at you, and I haven’t been avoiding you… I’m just trying to adjust to this village, and I haven’t been in the mood for your little antics.”

Normally I would have accepted this answer, but Clarke wouldn’t look me in the eyes. “You’ve been avoiding me because you found out that I had sex with Raven.”

She closes her eyes, muttering, “I do not care that you slept with Raven…you sleep with everyone.”

And normally I would laugh at the remark, agree that my list was pretty long these days as were my nights, but it just wasn’t true anymore. So Clarke’s words stung just a tiny bit, hadn’t she noticed there hasn’t been a single person in my bed since we arrived at this village? “You’re jealous,” I bite back, forcing a smirk.

My stomach sinks just a little as I wait for her reply.

“Why do you think I’m jealous?” her sea blue eyes lock with mine for a moment before looking away. A sigh escapes her parted lips, “I’m tired Bellamy, and this conversation of yours doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Feels repetitive. I am not jealous nor am I angry and I am also not avoiding you. Can you go back to bed now so I could do the same?”

I furrow my eyebrows, unconvinced. “You were not sleeping…evidence in your perfectly made bed. Clarke, what’s wrong?” I stand up, and reach out to touch her arm. She quickly pulls away and it stings…just a little. “Whatever it is…whatever I said or did to make you act like this,” I trail off, scratching the back of my neck. Expressing myself wasn’t an easy thing to do. “Whatever I did to make you distance yourself from me, can we please find a way to fix it?”

She lets her eyes meet mine, and bites her bottom lip.

 I watch… I wait…

“Let me know what I can do. I honestly don’t know how we can run this place together if you can’t even speak to me.” My voice sounds whiny…pleading. I don’t recognize it. I don’t like it. But Clarke must notice because she looks up into my eyes, and suddenly I’m aware of the lack of space between us.

 She’s so close I can smell her… lavender and vanilla. She reaches out and lightly touches my arm.

“We are okay, Bellamy,” she smiles at me, squeezing my arm reassuringly.

I want to pull her into me, trace circles on the small of her back… but I just smile. She drops her hand and steps back, clearing her throat. I feel cold at the loss.

“Well, I guess I’ll let you get to bed,” is all I can think to say and she nods gratefully. “If you promise you will actually sleep tonight.”

“I promise king Bellamy,” she laughs. It’s music to my ears…

I laugh too, suddenly feeling better than I have in weeks. “Goodnight Princess.”

“Bellamy,” she calls for me when I’m almost through her door. I turn back- half hoping she will ask me to stay for a while…

“My answer is yes,” I quip.

“Excuse me?” She laughs again, and shakes her head.

“You want me to spend the night, right?” It was only a joke, I think…but maybe its too soon for those kind of jokes because Clarke stops laughing.

“I was actually going to suggest that you tell Finn yourself,” she shrugs, looking away as if even bringing it up was rubbing her the wrong way.  “Things could get ugly fast if he finds out through someone else, and we need unity at this time more than ever.”

My smile fades, but I nod. “I’ll take care of it.”

“Goodnight Bellamy,” she finally returns.

“Sweet dreams princess.” I turn and walk away, a pang in my chest reminding me that our relationship…whatever it was… will never be the same…

______ xx

The next morning comes all too fast, and the days’ work blurs. I am on autopilot, my mind somewhere else…on someone else. I watch as she laughs with Jasper from across the village. They are sorting through herbs that we found this morning on a hunting trip. She looks relaxed for the first time in weeks. Maybe we will be okay after all…

 She must feel my stare because in an instant her piercing blue eyes meet mine, a questioning look on her face.  

“You know, it’s starting to get a little creepy,” Octavia’s voice comes from behind, and I tear my eyes away from Clarke’s to look down at my little sister.

“Excuse me?” a sigh escapes my lips.

“This whole staring at Clarke longingly everyday, keeping tabs on her eating and sleeping patterns,” she chuckles.

“I do not stare at Clarke ‘longingly’.” I scowl, acerbically adding, “Why don’t you go skimp along and play love nest with that grounder of yours?”

She smiles up at me, pinching my cheek lightly. “Aw Bell, you’re so in love with Clarke… I don’t know why you try to deny it.”

“We’re just friends O,” I hiss, but I find eyes searching for Clarke again. The nerve of my sister…to actually think I could be in love with someone like Clarke. To think I could actually be in love period… I snort, turning back to Octavia. “And besides I don’t love anyone but myself.”

“And me,” she chimes in, mocking hurt.

“And of course you, but I have no choice in that matter,” I scoff.

“Ouch,” she whistles, but bats her eyelashes at me. “I’m sorry to say, but I’m pretty sure love doesn’t leave you a choice… and you are head over heels my dear brother. Now why don’t you stop being a creep and talk to her about it? I see the way she looks at you.”

My stomach sinks at her words…does she really look at me a certain way?

But I shake my head. “Octavia Blake you are one annoying little human being.”

“And you love me because of it,” She laughs and kisses me on my cheek.

“I love you in spite of it,” I grunt, but laugh as well and she walks away.

“Oh, and Bellamy?” she calls over her shoulder.

“Hm?”

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but you don’t have female ‘friends’, only whores and Clarke is definitely not a whore”.

“Very observant of you O,” I call back, shaking my head at my sister’s unequivocal way with words.

Xx_____

Night came quickly. As winter approaches it feels that there aren’t nearly enough hours of daylight to get everything done, but somehow with double the manpower we can handle it. I finish up my watch, patting Miller on the back as he replaces me, and I head to the water tent.

A certain frisky brunette catches my eye as I pull the flap back. “Raven, good to see you on your feet… now we can stop picking up your slack.”

“So glad to be graced with your presence Bellamy,” she snorts and rolls her eyes.

A smirk plays on my lips. “Why isn’t your knight in shinning armor getting you water?”

“I’m a big girl, I think Finn can sit back while I handle it from now on,” her retort tells me that she clearly has forgiven spacewalker.

I frown slightly at the realization, “we need to talk.”

Her brown eyes meet mine, lips pursed together. “Talk about what? Does this have something to do with him and Clarke because I swear to God-“

“No, you think I would waste my time telling you about him and Clarke” my hands motion for her to stop speaking. “This is about us.”

I watch her shoulders relax, and then her lips slowly curve into a smile. “What about us? You aren’t like missing me or anything, are you?”

“In your dreams Reyes,” it’s my turn to roll my eyes. “Our little go around in the sheets obviously hasn’t been important enough to talk about these last few weeks…and honestly, I really still don’t care much, but you might.”

“Spit it out,” she hisses emphatically.

“People in the camp know about our little hook up,” I deadpan.

Her mouth opens slowly, eyes widen and she runs a hand from her forehead to her hairline. “Are you serious?”

“Very, someone told Clarke a while ago.”

“Clarke knows?” she slumps her shoulders, crossing her arms to her chest…hugging herself.

“Yes, and she’s not the only one …so I suggest you tell your prince charming before he finds out from someone else.” Giving her the information first was the least I could do… she pretty much took a bullet to help me that damn near almost left her paralyzed.

She nods, tears welling up in her eyes. I had no idea she would react like this…her brave stature suddenly beginning to deteriorate.

I stand back idly, unsure how to comfort her…not really wanting to.

“I’ll tell him,” she whispers, tears now freely cascading down her cheeks.

I nod, and turn to leave but she pulls my arm and I feel her body crashing into my chest. She hugs me close and tight. It’s crazy to watch this badass girl crumble in front of me. She cries, apologizes, and cries again before I even make the decision to not be an asshole. I wrap an arm around her, and she relaxes into me.

“Clarke,” Raven calls suddenly.

My heart stops for just a second.

I let Raven go, and turn to see Clarke at the opening of the tent. Her eyes fix on mine… a look in her eyes that I can’t quite decipher. But it chills my bones, leaves me cold. I open my mouth to say something, my heart pounding out of my chest.

She shakes her head, muttering something along the lines of ‘didn’t mean to intrude’ before disappearing into the night.

“Well that was…awkward,” Raven chuckles, wiping the tears from her face.

Fuck…

 

 

 

 

 


	4. forgiveness

The night air feels crisp against her skin, but she continues to walk as fast as she can toward the wall. Not sure if Bellamy will try to follow her, not sure why she thinks he would or even why she is thinking of him in the first place…but nonetheless she picks up her pace.

She wants…No… she needs to get away from the village for a while. The heaviness in her chest reminding her of the panic attacks she used to endure after her fathers death. She was weak then. The loss of her father proved too much to bear, and the silence of isolation slowly driving her mad.

 But she cant afford to be weak now, and so she ignores the suffocating feeling rising in her chest, creeping to her throat.

“Miller,” she croaks out, unsure of herself for a moment as she reaches the wall. “I need to go do something outside of the village. It’ll be quick.”

“Clarke,” he whispers, staring wide eyed at the blonde, “what could you possibly need outside of the village this late at night?”

She bites her bottom lip nervously, hating to lie. “There’s an herb that glows in the dark, and it’s really hard to find in the day time. I’ll only be about twenty minutes, it’s usually just on the outskirts of the lake.”

He shakes his head. “Bellamy will-”

She raises her hand, cutting him off. The mention of Bellamy’s name causes an ill feeling to wash over her, but it also makes her feel more determined. “Miller if you don’t let me out at this very second then you’ll have bigger problems then answering to Bellamy. Remember who patches you up at least twice a week…we wouldn’t want to ‘accidently’ pour a whole bottle of alcohol on your wounded leg next week, now would we?” she snickers for added effect.

His eyes widen again. Clarke’s authoritative tone has always scared him more than he cares to admit. He sighs before opening the make shift latch and letting her out of the wall. “You have twenty minutes Clarke and then I’m dragging you back myself. And if Bellamy finds out about this I’m telling him you assaulted me.”

“I think the thought of little ole’ me assaulting you and getting away with it might make him more angry at you than me, don’t you think?”

Miller throws daggers at Clarke with his eyes before closing the opening behind her.

 Xx

____

Raven paces her room. The room she and Finn begrudgingly share with Monty and Jasper. The two men who nearly cried when they learned they would be stuck in such close living quarters for an entire winter season with the ‘love birds’. Raven remembers Jasper rolling his eyes as he spoke the words, pretending to vomit and then adjusting his oversized goggles. Monty just stared into space, disbelief and slight disgust marring his features. He clearly didn’t want to witness the intimacy between Raven and Finn on a daily basis…or at all for that matter. Clarke and Bellamy tried to justify that they needed to room together because of their close related ‘job’ descriptions. Jasper, Raven and Monty worked closely together on a daily basis and so it only made sense… Finn was just there because of the package deal.

Strangely enough, Raven had been the only one not to mind the living arrangements and rather enjoyed her time with the group this past couple of weeks.

But now, as Jasper arches his eyebrow questioningly and Monty peeks nervously at her above the agriculture book he holds close to his face- she really wishes she had some privacy.

“Will you stop staring at me?” she groans, not looking at any one in particular.

Monty quickly averts his eyes, but Jasper offers her a lopsided smile. “If you would tell us what’s wrong then maybe we wouldn’t have to stare as you burn circles in our floor.”

She stops, resigns to dropping down onto the bed she shares with Finn and covering her face with her hands. “I really, really hate confrontation.”

“You?” Monty finally speaks, tossing his book to the side and crossing his arms to his chest. “You’re up there on the list of people I know that love confrontation…actually, right below Bellamy, which means you might make top of the list.”

Raven groans again at the mention of Bellamy. And squirms at the mention of being ‘below’ Bellamy.

The boy’s stare at each other for a second, breaking into simultaneous shrugs and Raven rolls her eyes. “Have either of you two idiots seen Finn?”

“You forgot intelligent,” Jasper corrects with a smirk, “intelligent idiots.”

It’s Monty’s turn to roll his eyes, groaning inwardly at his best friends defense tactics. “He left a few minutes before you came in, something about checking some trails.”

“This late?” Ravens lips turn down, thoughts of what Finn could be doing …or who for that matter… plaguing her mind. She knows she should trust him. She knows that a relationship without trust is one filled with unhappiness, but it is really hard to ignore the sinking feeling in her belly whenever he would disappear. She tells herself that Clarke wouldn’t intentionally betray her…not after everything they’ve been through as of late, but it wasn’t Clarke who she didn’t trust.

“Where are you off to?” Jasper asks as he watches the feisty woman throw on her jacket and start heading toward the door.

She shakes her head, and slams the door behind her.

“Well, that wasn’t awkward,” Jasper chuckles, tossing a make shift ball at his friend.

Monty tosses the ball back, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “No, not awkward at all.”

Xx

______

“O,” Bellamy raps at his sister’s door. The door that leads to the room she shares with Lincoln inside the Fema shelter that houses the grounders. Bellamy shutters thinking of it that way, but he just cant help it. The idea of his sister being intimate with anyone, let alone Lincoln, makes his skin crawl and the idea of her sleeping in close living quarters with the rest of the grounders doesn’t sit well with him.

But it could be worse he tells himself. She could have run off with Lincoln, and he could have possibly lost her forever.

“Gosh Bell, you don’t have to knock so hard,” she answers, hair tousled and cheeks red.

“Can you throw something less flimsy on,” he says as he scowls at Lincoln, who is sitting on top of the bed smirking, “and meet me outside to talk.”

She wants to protest, but one look at her brother’s expression and her tough exterior melts away. “Be there in a sec, okay?”

Five minutes later Bellamy runs his fingers through his hair, avoiding his sister’s eyes as he waits for her words. He braces himself, knowing very well her reaction will surely get under his skin.

But he needs to hear it…

“You’re so damn stupid Bell,” she hisses, smacking him upside the head.

His nostrils flare as he meets her eyes, but he falters at one look into them. They are burning with a fierceness that says she isn’t playing, that this is very serious, and he wonders if that’s how his eyes look when he’s angry with someone. Clarke does say they share the same deep brown, soul eating eyes.

So he opts for silence, crossing his arms to his chest like a child.

“I can not believe you slept with Raven, what were you thinking?” she throws her hands in the air, shaking her head.

“I didn’t think it mattered,” he mutters.

“Why would you not think sleeping with the one person in this camp that is completely off limits wouldn’t matter?”

“Well Finn and Clarke were off on their little adventure and Raven felt like she needed to-“

“You mean the adventure where they were taken by grounders and almost killed?” She fumes, interrupting him. “Oh yeah, that adventure!”

“Finn’s a grown man, he made his choices,” his tone picks up as he glares at his sister. “He chose Clarke, so why should he even have the right to question who Raven sleeps with when he’s running off to sleep with someone else?”

Her eyes grow wide. “You are such an idiot!”

“This name calling has to stop,” he growls, “now.”

“This is not about Finn,” she sighs, reaching out to touch her brother’s arm, “This is about Clarke. How could you do this to her Bell?”

His face falls… this is exactly what he needs to hear.

“If you were using your brain for one second you would notice the way that she looks at you,” her voice is completely soft now, eyes pleading. “You would notice the way she looks [for] you, the way she needs you. I don’t know how you did it Bell, but that girl, she had it bad for you. And Clarke is so bad ass that she tries to fight it, but I doubt it would have lasted much longer. Now I’m not so sure.”

Bellamy gasps, closing his eyes. His sisters words tug at his heart and all he can think to say is, “You think she likes me?”

The words sound completely foreign, and he groans…pissed that the blonde has the power to turn him to jello, and to utter some really pathetic things.

Octavia’s lips tug into a smile. “She more than likes you Bell.”

His heart begins to beat with a fierce rhythm. “I don’t know how I feel.”

She sucks her teeth and rolls her eyes. “If it isn’t obvious to the entire village that you love that girl then we are living amongst idiots.”

“Love is such a very strong word Octavia,” he warns, grinding his teeth together.

“Yeah, well it’s not something you can control,” she shrugs and leans forward to kiss her brothers cheek. “You need to allow yourself to feel Bellamy. There is nothing wrong with you loving someone other than me. There is nothing wrong with love…” her voice trails off.

And he wants to say… Love gets you killed. Love makes you weak. Instead he says, “even if I did feel something for her, I’m pretty sure I ruined that tonight,” he chuckles. “She’ll never be able to trust me, so much for me trying to be a nice guy for once.”

“Hey,” she tilts his chin so that she could look into his eyes, “there’s nothing wrong with being the nice guy...Raven needed you and Clarke will see that, but first you need to go find her and tell her how you feel about her.”

Octavia’s tone is surprisingly soft- so as he swallows the lump that formed in his throat he just nods.

“Well what are you waiting for?” she groans, pulling her brother to his feet and smacking him on the arm. “Go get your girl.”

Xx

________

Clarke sits by the river, her strong shell dissipating into nothingness as she lets tears flow freely down her cheeks. She cries for all of the people they lost on earth, and cries for all the people lost on the Ark. She cries for her mother and her father, parents that she lost all too soon. She cries for Wells, and wishes more than anything he were here right now to get her through whatever the hell she was going through. She cries for all the innocence she lost on earth, and for the betrayals that still sting if she can be honest with herself.

And she cries for the feelings she has for a man that she cant quite understand, the feelings that she wishes would go away and leave her forever.

The sound of rustling leaves behind her startles her, so she stands and whips out the knife she carries in her boots.

“It’s me Clarke,” the familiar sound of a man calls before coming into eyesight.

She lets out a breath in relief, but her tone is weary. “Finn, what are you doing out here?”

He stands a few feet away from her, running his hand threw his floppy hair. Clarke can’t help but think of how much she hates his hair now. “I could ask you the same thing,” is all he offers her.

She raises her eyebrow, “did you follow me out here?”

He averts her question for the second time, “Why were you crying?”

“I wasn’t, but if I was I don’t see how that concerns you,” she hisses, unintentionally.

He steps back, shaking his head. “Do I really mean so little to you now?”

Clarke closes her eyes, not sure how to answer his question or if she should even answer him at all. When she opens her eyes again Finn is directly in front of her, a pleading look in his eyes. He takes her hand, and is about to say something when a voice stops him short.

“Finn,” is all the brunette says, eyes darting between the former lovers.

Clarke whips her hand away quickly, “There’s nothing going on here Raven.” She speaks too quickly, and inwardly curses herself at sounding guilty for doing nothing wrong.

Raven clenches her fists in anger, her eyes seething as they lock with Finn’s. “We were just talking,” is all he says, stepping away from Clarke to make his way over to her.

“You hear that Bellamy,” Raven’s laughs, calling over her shoulder, “they were just talking.”

Clarke can’t breathe for a second… eyes wide as Bellamy steps out from the shadows.

His jaw is tight and he avoids looking at Clarke as he says, “It’s none of my business what you two love birds do, but you both left camp without weapons.”

His words aren’t meant to cut deep, but Clarke’s heart suddenly hurts. “There is nothing going on between us,” she says quietly.

He finally looks at her then, his guarded expression quickly turning into something else…disgust, sadness…Clarke can’t quite place it. And then he turns to leave, but not before Raven’s arm shoots out to stop him.

“Let’s not pretend we don’t know what’s going on here,” her voice is harsh as she turns her eyes back to a guilty looking Finn. Raven steps toward him, and Clarke can see her eyes start to water and her lip tremble, but she doesn’t cry. Instead her lip curls fiercely, and she spits out, “and to think I was coming out here to try to beg for your forgiveness.”

“Forgiveness for what?” he visibly tenses, finally coming alive to the situation at hand.

Clarke’s eyes go wide, and they dart over to Bellamy. His stoic expression back in place, shoulders squared. He looks ready for whatever reaction Raven’s confession might bring out of Finn. “Now might not be the best time,” Clarke catches herself speaking.

Finns eyebrows furrow, “Best time for what?”

“To tell you that I had sex with Bellamy,” Raven spits out, her words brash and angry.

But Clarke watches as Raven’s eyes falter, and her lip trembles. Clarke watches as Bellamy clenches his fists at his sides and avoids her eyes. Clarke watches as Finns face falls.

She hurts for him, but it’s gone in a matter of seconds as he lunges for Bellamy. The boys wrestle to the ground, punches thrown between them and Clarke can hear Raven scream as they tumble down a hill.

She moves quickly, half stumbling down the hill, weaving her way through the trees as Raven follows. Her hearts pounding quickly in her chest as she hears Bellamy groan in pain…

Raven rushes to Finn’s side and Clarke glances at him, notes the way his arm is curled under his body…face withering in pain. She finally reaches Bellamy a few feet away and gasps as she notices the blood gushing from a cut in his head. Tears prick at her eyes, but she stops just short of where he lays when he puts his hand up and motions for her not to come any closer.

“I’m fine,” he mutters and before she can argue he’s on his feet. He sways a bit, but when he finds his balance he begins to head up the hill.

She trails behind him, face seething. “What’s wrong with you? You might have a serious concussion, let me check you out.”

He turns back to her, his cold eyes warning her. “I said I’m fine. Why don’t you go check on Finn? You and I both know that’s where you want to be right now.”

“Clarke,” Raven calls out, “I think his arm is broken. Come quick.”

But Clarke’s eyes never leave Bellamy’s retreating figure …

Xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
